Annie's Song

A love letter to the person who fills up my senses like a night in the forest, like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain.

Today is a very special day! Eighteen years ago on this very day, my little sister was born. I did not know it at the time, but this special person would grow to become my best friend, my soulmate, and my ultimate inspiration for everything. She is now entering into adulthood, a time of uncertainty and excitement. The next ten years of her life will be marked by laughter, love, heartbreak, change, hope, and self discovery. Her life is only just beginning, and I'm so excited to watch her shine! Although I am technically older, we have joked for years now that she is the older one. She is wise beyond her years and more compassionate than I could ever wish to be. Every valuable life lesson I have learned is one that she has taught me. I am unable to celebrate in person with her this year, so it is important to me to be able to convey my love for her in this way. I am of course in college now, and I understand that many of you have not had the privilege of meeting my sweet Annie, so I will do my best to encapsulate all of her goodness in today's blog post! Without further ado, here are the 18 most important lessons I have learned from my Annie that I would love to share with all of you today in honor of her 18th birthday!

1) Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. This has been our motto for over five years now which we have stolen from the TV show Friday Night Lights. Unbeknownst to Coach Taylor, this quote has gotten us through some of our hardest times. Life is not easy. It never was and it is never going to be. We are not the ones in control of this life, but we can decide how we respond. When we look at our lives with clear eyes and full hearts, that is when we remember how beautiful it is to simply be alive. Those who are able to look at life with gratitude and optimism are the very people who will experience authentic joy. Oh! What a wonderful thing it is to be alive!

2) The beauty of it all is in the details. Annie once wrote me a little note which read, "I saw a singular pink flower today and thought of you." Those who know me know that pink flowers serve as my sign that everything is going to be okay, and to have Annie remind me of that in her thoughtful little way made me cry (the good kind of crying). When we take the time to remember the little things, they add up to become big things that matter.

3) Appreciate the sunsets. Annie watches the sunset every single day and looks up at the stars each night. She remembers to appreciate the beauty in things that are often overlooked by everyone else. There is so much light to be found in the darkness if we simply take the time to look. Annie even adopted the nickname "Skye" for sometime because she was always focused on the sky and all of the natural wonders of the world. I have a professor this semester who told us that the amount of time between the sun touching the horizon and then finally sinking beneath it is approximately two minutes and 37 seconds. No one in the class had known that before. How much time to we spend watching the sunset but not truly being present enough to bask in its beauty? When we embrace these beautiful things, we begin to see beauty in everything else, too.

4) Follow the butterflies. Annie once told me, "Sometimes, I see small, beautiful butterflies flutter by, many times they circle around me. Every time, I imagine it's Grandpa telling me he's here with me, never abandoning me or leaving me alone." When we find our guardian angels and those who have passed before us in our everyday lives, it helps to remind us that we are never alone. Life can be profoundly difficult, and it always helps to remember that you are enveloped in the love of the people who have gone before you. Somewhere up there, we all have angels cheering us on!

5) All of these stars will guide us home. Did you know that the stars are always shining, even when we can't see them? Annie taught me that. When I first left for college, she said to me, "You are out there hundreds and hundreds of miles away, but you are under the same stars, making the distance between us a bit smaller." Her adulthood will be full of change, it's paradoxically the one thing we all can depend on. When we get caught up in the galaxies and the multiverses and the planets and the black holes, it is so important to remember that all we must do is look to the stars, they have been there all along and will always remind us where we need to be.

6) In order to become who you are, you must let go of who you are not anymore. We as human beings are constant works in progress. If we are stuck dwelling on the past all the time we miss the chance to look forward to the future. We are constantly evolving, ever changing, influenced and nuanced beings who have so much to offer this world. In order to become who we are, we must let go of the things which do not serve to make us the people we are working to become.

7) Your opinion is the only one that matters. I envy Annie's ability to be confident in herself and everything she puts her mind to. She understands that, at the end of the day, our own opinions of ourselves are the ones we must learn to live with. All other people in our lives will come and go with the changing seasons of life, we are the people who must learn to coexist with our own minds for the rest of our lives. We must learn to stop seeking everyone else's approval and embrace the things which make our hearts happy!

8) We may be cracked, but we are not broken. Yes, life is hard. Just when we think we know exactly what to do to make everything perfect, life throws us a curveball. We are disappointed time and time again, and then we crack under the pressure and the stress of it all. In these moments, we must remember that we human beings, imperfect and still constantly trying anyway. We are not broken, we are not hardened by the experiences we have gone through. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — a metaphor for embracing your flaws and imperfections. You won't realize your full potential until you go through the tough times. Kintsugi takes work and awareness in order for it to truly be healing.

9) Every storm must run out of rain. Annie wrote that in a letter to me once. She is right. This too shall pass. Even our worst days are nothing more than 24 hours. And then, we get the chance to try again! The seemingly endless storms finally come to a close and all of the sudden we see the rays of sunlight again. Everything will be okay and we will find ourselves again.

10) It's never too late. To apologize. To say I love you. To try again. To start over. To laugh. To cry. To dance. To be a little kid again. To reinvent yourself. To believe in goodness. It's never too late. A life that is lived in regret is merely existing. In order to love ourselves, we must forgive ourselves and try again.

11) Rivers and Roads. Rivers and roads. Rivers 'til I reach you. This is our song. Always will be. I have a full blog post on this one which can be read here.

12) Spread your wings. "A ship in a harbor is safe but that is not what ships are built for." To spread your wings is to embrace that which is unfamiliar and sometimes scary. Growth means finding the inner strength to go on even before we are ready. This is the mark of true leaders and true warriors: they often go before they are ready. We must have faith that we already have everything we need inside of us. And when we finally, finally have those moments of insane courage, we discover that flying was worthwhile all along!

13) The Earth has music for those who listen. One thing I have always admired about Annie is her incredibly cool music taste. At the end of each year, her Spotify Wrapped is always exponentially cooler than mine. She sees music in everything. She sends me songs that remind her of me. When we find the time to quiet our own minds, we discover that the Earth sings to us. Music makes everything better, and our ability to detect it indicates that we are in tune with the universe. Music is the most potent instrument because rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul. Let your soul speak!

14) Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter can stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter can activate and relieve your stress response. One thing I can always depend on with Annie is her uncanny ability to make me laugh! She is a goofball and silly in ways that people would never expect. When I would find myself getting wrapped up in stress or sadness, she always knew just what to do and say, and before I knew it, I would be crying from the laughter instead of the tears. Productivity and learning are viable solutions to the problems we face, but they pale in comparison to the joyful impacts of laughter. Life is funny! Stop taking yourself so seriously! Remember to laugh.

15) Speak your mind. Even when it's hard. Even when it's painful. Especially when it matters! I love my Annie dearly, and she definitely knows when to call me out when I'm wrong. She is one of the strongest people I know, and she has experienced things I cannot even begin to imagine. Still, she emerges resilient and fighting for what she believes in. She is my hero. I once heard a quote which read, "It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees." I know that is a rather brutal way of looking at things, but I think it makes a good point. It is better to fight with conviction for the things we believe in because it is an excellent indicator that we still care. So many people live on their knees, opting to merely exist instead of living. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.

Those are the main lessons I have learned from my angel Annie in her eighteen years of life, but I would not be Gracie if I did not try to offer some wisdom of my own. The final three lessons are ones I have learned in my adulthood so far that I would like to share both with Annie and with all of you. I am only twenty, so I am definitely just beginning to make sense of adulthood myself. I am still getting the hang of things, but these have been the most impactful for me.

16) The rest is still unwritten. Every day is a new opportunity to be a better version of yourself. Carpe diem. Seize the day, make your life extraordinary! Every morning is a completely new day, a blank slate with a whole new set of opportunities! How cool is that? We spend so much of our time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet, and then when the moment finally does come, we've spent so much time worrying that we seldom enjoy it. You are alive. You are in the exact place right now that you once dreamed of being in. Embrace the present moment, right here and right now. Live your life with arms wide open!

17) I love you to infinity and beyond, around the world and back, to forever and ever and always. My mom said this to Annie and me all the time growing up. I think we're going to get it as a matching tattoo if I ever increase my pain tolerance! It almost felt like she thought the words "I love you" did not do justice to the amount of love in her heart that she had for Annie and me. This is the type of love I aspire to have for life. I realize now how important it is to be an enthusiast in life. This love taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. It is better to have loved so deeply and so immensely than to have never loved at all. Love as much as you can, you'll be amazed at the love you receive in return!

18) The best is yet to come! How beautiful is it to think that the very best moments of our lives, the ones we will one day tell our own children over sandwiches and s'mores, haven't even happened yet? Let us not become so involved in our little routines that we forget the joys of exploring and discovering and embracing and fighting and breathing and chasing and LOVING. It is one of the most beautiful things in the world to be living in this young adulthood, on the precipice of discovery, purpose, and hope for all our futures hold!

Sweet Annie, I wish for you an adulthood that is full of goodness, light, love, laughter, joy, hope, peace, compassion, enthusiasm, and grace! I hope for you to be safe, healthy, and oh so happy! I hope you have great friends and even greater adventures. I hope you sing loudly and dance often. I hope you never forget the magic you have inside of you that is entirely your own. And to my readers who are constantly making this little dream of mine come true, I hope you have learned a little bit from my Annie, thank you for allowing me to share her wisdom in this way! You constant and unfailing support means the absolute world to me! I've included a little collage for you guys of Annie and me through the years that I had so much fun making because it took me on a little trip down memory lane. I truly have been blessed with this built-in best friend for my whole life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. All I can say is that if you have been blessed with people like Annie in your life, hug them extra tightly and tell them you love them. We could all use a little more love in this world.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me, I hope you've enjoyed your glimpse of Gracie! ;)